tvordlj: (Meez avatar)
Pissing down rain today. Never mind. We haven't had a lot of it this summer though not had a lot of really gorgeous summer weather either. It's all been a bit meh.

I think of my dad frequently but sometimes, too, not for a few days at a time. Yesterday and today, there were periods that the memories really came back strongly, for no apparent reason. I mean, there wasn't anything in particular that reminded me of something, these memories just popped up when I was reading or doing something else. When they hit strongly, they almost leave you breathless for a second while I gulp down that lump in my throat. It's been nearly 9 years so it's not as crushing as it used to be when that happens and I welcome the memories, I really do. Once I get past the surprise of the suddenness, the memories make me smile and they remind me of yet more things.

1191850990_03380This morning's was actually triggered by something I was thinking. I'd bought new travel mugs and was thinking of how we would fill them before setting off on our road trip in September. That reminded me of the old Thermos bottles with the little plastic cup on top (they don't make 'em like that anymore!), the kind my dad took with his lunch pail every day and would he like the new type of travel mug with the sip-lid or would he still like the idea of pouring it into the cup and drinking it that way with his lunch. I can still see him fixing it in the morning, pouring in the milk first and then the tea from the glass pyrex teapot on the stove, the very same type I now have! I could picture him standing right there beside me doing it. While vivid memories like that make me a bit emotional and miss him a lot, they also make me smile and I'm glad I have them.
tvordlj: (Dad)
It was Dad's birthday today but i forgot about the date. It's not like i didn't see it a few times through the day but it didn't register because of other work distractions.
After work, when i'd finished the workout with the trainer, i looked down on his clip board and saw the date hand written out.
July 6.
It registered.
I kind of stopped breathing just for a second, just as it sunk in. Oh right.
That's ok, though, keep calm and carry on, right?
As i walked to the locker room, i said a silent Happy Birthday to him.
As i was about to unlock my padlock,

You know where this is going, right?

Yep.
On the floor.
Shiny new dime.
I have to say, i did tear up a little bit.
Keep calm and Carry On.
tvordlj: (Default)
So yeah. My oh, so helpful cousin reminded me by text that 50 is the same as 600 months! I sent back a text "Bastard." but actually it made me laugh. Leave it to him. He turns 600 months in 5 days so i reminded him that it's breathing down his neck. I told him i only laughed because i couldn't smack him ;))) That will have to wait until Saturday. We're having a combined family birthday party then.

Laurie asked Dad for a sign that he was with us today and she found a shiny dime by the bus stop. I don't ask for signs but i know he's with me all the time anyway. I play a lot of word games like Upwords and also word twist and scramble on FB and the word "Dime" comes up a lot. Works for me.

Anyway
Yeah. it feels a bit surreal.

Going out to lunch with Mom and my Auntie today. Her bd is tomorrow. I think i'll buy myself that wide screen monitor i've had my eye on. Once i get it installed, Mom gets my old 17 inch flat panel one. Nothing really wrong with it, i just fancied a new bigger one. Got my income tax refund so Wahey! And yesterday i sent the whole thing over to Visa which means i am officially and completely debt free! I've already got all my money put aside for hotels and spending money for the trip so that won't put me in the hole either. It may not last long but it's a nice feeling while it lasts.

Oh and...

Dec. 31st, 2008 03:50 pm
tvordlj: (Dime)
I was putting groceries away and clearing some stuff out of the fridge at the same time. Can't remember if i was shifting a bag or moving the green bin over to the fridge but i heard a *tink!* and caught a glimpse of silver out of the corner of my eye. A coin. I don't know whether it was the particular sound of it or if i had actually seen the coin but i knew without looking that it was a dime. And it was. I don't know where it came from but there it was bouncing across the kitchen. Happy New Year, Dad.
tvordlj: (Dad)
I'm not finding dimes hardly at all these days.
But...
I play a lot of the various word games. Upwords, and on facebook, Scrabulous, Word Ladder and Word Twist.
What word seems to be popping up a lot lately?
Dime(s).
Just sayin.
tvordlj: (Default)
Decided to get my eyebrows waxed on the way home today. I mean, i decided before, but i got it done on the way home. I had done that before i went away in November and was quite pleased with the results. I think i might start doing that more, every 2 or 3 weeks. The only downside is having to go around with shaggy brows to get enough regrowth but wearing glasses does hide a bit of it. It's only 10 dollars every, say, 3 weeks. I can spend that much on lunch so if i take my lunch more often as i have been lately, i'm more than saving that. I will need to get another pedicure before we go away too. It's my little trip tradition.

Today is the 2 year anniversary of Dad's death and as i was standing in the bus shelter trying to keep out of the rain, i thought, gee, i thought i might have found an errant dime today. I must look around and i looked down and caught a glint of silver at my feet. But.... it was only a nickel! Didn't half make me do a double take though! That's ok, i bought a lottery ticket for tonight's draw. Boom! A thousand dollars! (that's what he used to say when the lotteries first started. Obviously it's up to a million or more now lol)

Aftermath

Dec. 26th, 2007 03:55 pm
tvordlj: (Default)
Christmas day was really nice. We had all three (adult) kids with us. Justin gave Staci a huge stuffed puppy that was wrapped in a box so big that she had to open it first because it was blocking the rest of the presents behind it!! With six people opening gifts, taking turns, it took awhile but it was a lot of fun. "Soft" was the word of the day with housecoats, blankets, jackets, scarves and even duvet covers that were all made of softy cuddly material. We were 7 for dinner which was absolutely fantastic. We had a free range turkey and what a difference that made in the taste though [livejournal.com profile] sammantha's skill at turkey basting really helps too!

Today Mom and I visited her sister and stopped at the cemetery on the way back into town. I've been finding my emotions bubbling pretty near the surface over the past couple of weeks which is to be expected i guess. Christmas this year was ok, though, we were ok, talked and laughed a lot and told family and Dad stories but i seemed to mind it a bit more this year than last year. I guess every year will be different and i don't suppose it will ever go away completely.
And here they are )
tvordlj: (Dime)
Mom came over to take me to the grocery store and drug store. The drug store had really long lines with only 2 clerks at the checkouts while i was there though another one finally opened just as i was finishing. Over at the grocery store there only seemed to be two aisles plus the express one open. And both of those regular ones had clerks that i am pretty sure were very new to the job. The first one, a young man, was messing about with huge wads of cash. I don't really know if the customer ahead of me was cashing a cheque or getting a huge amount of cash back, i just don't know. But the lad and another one were trying to count and add up and seemed to be having a bit of trouble. Maybe not enough fingers and toes. It seemed to be in the vicinity of about 200 dollars give or take, some in 20s and some in 5 dollar bills. You could see the wheels slowly grinding as one lad tried to add up the amount that the twenties came to with the amount the fives came to. *shakes head* I finally piled my stuff back in the cart and went to the next open checkout.

Where the customer ahead of me had about 8 coupons and the girl there didn't know how to enter them. Newbie. So she had to be shown and she had to be shown something else and she was slow. Well she was new. Meanwhile at the first aisle, they must have finally got things sorted and the guy that came to take my place when i left was nearly through. Figures. When the girl had finished with the customer ahead of me, her supervisor took over for awhile to get the lengthening lineup down a bit. She whipped through my order in record time and i thanked her profusely.

An interesting story though. We were getting out of the car and talking about Buckley's cough mixture (horrible, horrible tasting stuff but it really does work just like the ad says) and Mom was telling a story about how Dad always had to take two teaspoonsful because, he said, the he kept throwing up the first one. He called it "fuckleys" and that's about the extent of it. (hint, if you keep it in the fridge, you can manage to get it down before your taste buds realize what hit them) Anyway, just as she was finishing the story, she came around to my side of the car as i had got out and said, look! pick that up! I looked down by my feet. There was a dime. (Hi Dad!) It's the damndest thing. That has been known to happen since he died, i'm sure you've heard me tell the stories. We get talking about him and find a dime. Don't anyone ever try to tell me there's nothing to it. We *know* he's sending them to say hello!

Back to work tomorrow. God knows how i'm going to get along with this cough. The air in the office is terrible.
tvordlj: (Dad)
So Happy Birthday, Dad. I've got the lottery ticket like you asked, now, you need to do your bit! And while you're at it, can you have a quiet word with the weather gods and give is some proper summer? There's no sense just teasing us with a day or two here or there. Oh, and i have some perfumed talc on.

That goes back to Dad loving the smell of perfume on "his girls". He even brought a small bottle of little girl perfume to the hospital when Staci was born. It backfired on him once, though, when we were teenagers. He drove a group of us to a school dance and we all had on copious amounts of cheap drugstore cologne. Poor man. I don't know how he was able to breathe in that car even with the window open! But he just made silly jokes to make the girls giggle and probably had a heck of a headache when he got home!
tvordlj: (Dad)
I think Dad must be hovering close by in the last few days. There have been 3 or 4 things, mostly just someone saying something that he would say though I have forgotten the one or two over the weekend that came up.Plus, Friday in the car, i instinctively looked in the little thingy between the front seats where you can store cd's. Dad always stored a stash of peppermints there but i hadn't really thought about it until then when i looked. Today, one person said it was Tuesday "all day" which reminded me of him and i just flipped over my new calendar day, the page-a-day "Word of the day" one i bought. What's today's word? "hen fruit". (a vulgarism for eggs, it says). Dad often referred to eggs as "hen fruit". That's two Dad-isms today both of which made me smile. Wonder if there will be a third? Someone told me those little reminders that are unexpected are your loved one's way of touching base and saying hello.

Hi, Dad!
tvordlj: (Default)
When i woke up this morning, it occurred to me that i didn't remember seeing Dad in any dreams lately and was thinking that i'd like to. On the way to work, i stepped to the door to get off the bus, looked down, and saw a dime. :))) (Harkens back to this post)

Got an invite to a project wrap up party today at a martini bar! Don't know if drinks are free or not but i got a little cash out just in case. I don't think i ever tried one and i do believe they have lots of different flavours these days. I might like a flavoured one. I have left my camera home the last few days and damn, that's the second thing today i could have used it for. A coworker's wife brought their 7 month old baby in for a visit, too. You might know. I think when my mobile phone contract is up this summer i'm going to go with pay as you go and i think i'll upgrade my phone and maybe get a camera one for things like this.
tvordlj: (Dad)
Oh dear God, there's a comic strip in the paper this morning, Pickles, that is SO Dad! We had a cat when we were younger and Dad and the cat had a continuous armed truce. It's a legendary feud well known in the family, from having to pay the vet bills ("Million dollar cat") to the cat wanting in and out the door all the time. In fact, the cat used to pick at the screen, or rub against the mailbox which thumped the lid up and down like he was knocking. Sometimes he rubbed against the house and hit the doorbell which leads me to today's comic strip.
oh how i laughed )
tvordlj: (Default)
I just spent a half an hour doing that long year end meme that's going around but i have just deleted it all. I usually do my own year end round up, not a question and answer type meme, it's a month by month review in point form and a few lists but i don't post it until new year. Obviously this year has had some good things in it, but there's been the shadow of Dad's death from the start. I learned some things about myself though. I got through it a lot better than i thought i would be able to but i've had a lot of support too. One friend of mine lost her dad to cancer in May so we've been touching base by email and that's helped, too. We're experiencing the same things at almost the same time frame.

I don't know yet what i'm going to do today. A bit of housework probably. Must get on the horn to Future Shop and find out if they got my camera off the truck yet. Honest to God/dess how long does it take? If it's ready for pickup that means a trip over there. Thankfully it's a free standing shop, not right in the mall. It's cold but it's sunny, i could walk over.
tvordlj: (Default)
Mmmmmmm I baked molasses cookies and gingersnaps this morning and the house smells great! Mom said she could smell them when she came off the elevator! We had tea and cookies and then when i mentioned i hadn't seen my aunt and uncle since January, we called them and went out there for a visit and had more tea and cookies. My uncle said my molasses cookies tasted just like Gram's! Result! Actually i think they needed a bit more cloves but when the recipe just calls for 1/2 tsp. of "spice" and doesn't say what kind, you have to make an educated guess and i guessed Allspice. I didn't have any cloves anyway or i could have chucked a bit of that in. The ginger snaps were good but could have been a bit more gingery only my ginger was a bit old so had lost its kick. Still... cookies!

I only have another week of work in the office! W00t! Plus a two day course next week and then i'm off until the new year.

I just have to post this pic of my dad from a few Christmases ago. I've been looking at it a lot lately because it's just so "him" :) It's a great pic! I'm not actually dreading Christmas this year, though i know there will be some "moments". I am still looking forward to spending all the time with family and giving (and getting!) pressies and having the time off work. I miss him, but looking at this picture makes me feel closer to him at the same time.


tvordlj: (Daffy Weird)
Pay this week includes 8 days worth of a 3% raise, the other 2 days still being part of October and the raise takes effect on November 1. That's $26 net increase which might top out at about $30 net increase when there's a full 10 days' worth. *sniff* not much. But about what's expected. Next year there's a final 3% raise and then the contract is up again at the end of October 2008. Since it generally takes 6 - 12 months before they're ready to sign a new contract, if they don't strike, i guess that means it won't be settled until well into 2009.

I was thinking about a funny story Mom told me over the weekend about Dad and i remembered another chuckler... Dad's favourite ice cream was rum and raisin and Dad being Dad, he would joke about the ice cream, asking for a "double" shot when he would get a cone somewhere. We were in the Laura Secord store once when he did that and he was a bit taken aback when the woman obligingly gave him a double scoop! He didn't mind :) The other story had to do with his habit of getting up in the morning and tucking his socks into his back pocket. He'd put them on later but this one time apparently he forgot about them and put a clean pair on from the bureau. He came back from the grocery store, laughing. He discovered, not sure when but i think after he left the store, that he had left the socks in his pocket and had walked all around the grocery store with these long dark socks trailing down out of his back pocket!!! One of life's more embarrassing moments! I guess that's the equivalent of coming out of a public loo with toilet paper on your heel or tucking your skirt into the back of your panty hose. Hands up, who's ever done that one! I think i did but someone noticed before i left the ladies' room, thank heavens!
tvordlj: (Dime)
Apparently the announced line up is:
Sloan
Alice
Kanye
Stones

Does it make sense to you that a rapper would be on right before the Stones? Isn't that last act the one that's supposed to wind up the crowd for the main act? Never understood why they got him as part of the lineup anyway. Ok to draw in the kids but most of them aren't going to pay 120 bucks that they wouldn't otherwise spend just to see Kanye. Are they? Maybe they want to make sure that fewer people don't just leave after Sloan and Kanye and the audience would be more of us old wrinklies for Alice and Mick. lol Ah well.

I found two dimes on the night table this morning. One i am pretty sure i'd seen there for a few weeks actually and just kept forgetting to take it to the jar of change i keep in the kitchen. The other one, don't remember seeing it before. Dimes. One for Nan and one for Dad i guess :)

Hmm i don't think i ever told the story about the dimes did i? Some on my flist will know it because my sister wrote about it. It's all about "signs", like Ryan, wearing one of Dad's old suits, finding that electrical connector in the pocket the day after he passed. My maternal grandmother, my Nan, used to carry a dime around in her pocket in case she needed to make a phone call. Even when the price went up to a quarter, she still carried it around. After she died, my aunt who shared the house with her, said she started finding dimes every so often. In places you wouldn't necessarily expect. This went on for months. Anyway. After Dad died we started finding dimes around the house. no other small change, just dimes. It happened quite a bit in the first few days and over the first month. Mom said it was as if her mother were letting us know she was taking care of Dad. I even started finding dimes occaisionally in odd places or unexpectedly, like one morning getting on a bus, on the floor by the fare box was a dime. Ok, logically you know why, but why a dime? why not a nickel or a quarter? I don't usually put pocket change on the bedside table. On my dresser, yes. So this morning... two dimes, one more than i knew was there.
tvordlj: (Dad)
Dad's birthday is today.

Before he died, he asked me if i would buy a lottery ticket on his birthday each year. He loved to play the lottery and we would sometimes go splits on a ticket and he knew i bought a ticket sometimes. I told him i would as long as he made sure he sent down a little magic. Ok, Dad, a promise is a promise! I've got the ticket, now do your stuff :) Boom! A thousand dollars!

Actually the grand prize of the one i got that draws tomorrow night is $2000 every two weeks for 20 years. Nice. Or you can take a lump sum of $500,000 which would be equally sweet. It's a tough call. $52,000 a year tax free income makes life pretty comfortable and a nice little supplement to a salary or pension. On the other hand half a million up front is pretty convenient too! Which would you choose?
tvordlj: (Ursula Kiss Off)
It's quiet in LJ land today.

It's raining. I shouldn't really complain but it's been gloomy for weeks now with only brief encounters with the sun. At least it's not as cold as it was.

Watched a 2 hour crime drama about a forensic psychologist starring Robson Green. He's small and compact but he does have lovely eyes. What was it called? oh yes, Wire in the Blood. Must try to catch it next Saturday too. Some might want to compare it to Cracker and the the premise is similar. Psychologist helping the police find criminals, pretty lead detective that fancies the psychologist but the psychologist isn't as flawed as Robbie Coltrane's Cracker and much better looking. Although... couldn't you just cuddle up to Robbie on a cold night? I suppose nowadays he's Hagrid in everyone's mind but in my mind's eye, he's Cracker (not "crackers" although i wouldn't kick him out for eating crackers ... well the name and the sentence just led into that one didn't it? lol!)

Doing some serious thinking about what to pack now. will probably wear the dregs of the wardrobe this week so i can keep clean the stuff i want to take.

Won 10 dollars on the lottery ticket from last night. When i bought it i thought to myself "Ok, Dad, send down some magic... oh who am I kidding? He bought tickets for 30 years and never hit a big win. Never know t hough and i won the tenner, which is more than i usually win so that's something eh? Come to think of it, there's a free ticket going off one i bought a week or so ago and do you think i know where i put it after days of shifting it from pillar to post to pocket!

Miscellania:
Finally got back to painting this morning. I've been gathering photos and pictures that would make nice paintings so i will not be short of inspiration.
Four more working days! Yay! Pedicure and massage on Friday! Yay!
Had a nice meal out with Mom last night.
Baby shower tomorrow for [livejournal.com profile] teaone!
tvordlj: (Dad)
I meant to post about this yesterday when the memory occurred to me but i got distracted.
Anyway...
Mom was almost always able to fool Dad on April 1 nearly every year that she tried it. It was always one or the other...She'd wake him up in the morning, on a work day, and tell him either his car had a flat tire or he had overslept. He'd spring up, pissed off, and go to the window to look at the car. April Fool! or he'd spring up and start to rush to get ready for work... April Fool! After the initial annoyance, he'd laugh. You got me good, didn't you! he'd say. And he'd fall for it. Every time! The trick is to get him while he was asleep and he was groggy from being woken up, so he forgot what the date was :)
tvordlj: (Celtic Cross)
Getting used to life after a loss has it's oddness. There are times when I'm sad, times when little or big things seem to be a trigger and i'm in bits. Then i think, well it's only been x days or weeks after all. Of *course* it's going to be pretty raw just yet. In fact, it just occurred to me that it's four weeks today even though it's not Feb. 18 yet which is the one-month date. So then i get surprised that it's *only* been four weeks. Sometimes it feels like it's been much longer. I'm surprised it's only been such a short time yet i'm thinking how fast time goes by and it's a month now, next thing , i'll realize it's been 6 months. I had something hit me a couple of weekends ago that really made me feel like i had been kicked in the gut with it all and i guess that was the point where it really sunk in, the big Reality Check. Before that, i think i was on autopilot. Now i'm not. We're all in the same boat. Doing ok most of the time, putting on a front some of the time and getting on the best we can. Routines change because they have to or because it makes it easier to deal with things. We don't *not* remember, we don't want to forget and many of the memories are comforting, but sometimes it's easier to change things so the memories don't overwhelm us. Because it's only been 4 weeks, but it's been 4 weeks already! Yet it feels longer. The logical side of my brain insists that time is stupid.

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