The Voice Of Reason

One of my choices was originally "Intellectually challenging" but i thought some might take that to mean "Challenged" lol

Intellectual compatibility makes a difference, for sure. Though i know if someone was wayyyyy more intelligent than me, that would be as intimidating as someone without a reasonable level of itelligence would be frustrating.

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bopeepsheep.livejournal.com

Ditto, and stupidity as a huge turn-off too.

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demona-hw.livejournal.com

Intelligence was my 'other'.

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"Other" for qualities I look for: I like intelligent people.

"Other" for turn-offs: I couldn't choose just three. Half or more of those would be complete turn-offs for me, with the exception of:
- Bad fashion sense
- Doesn't have/doesn't want kids
- Financial instability (most people I know right now are college students, of course they're financially unstable)
- Physical attributes that you don't find attractive (men I'm attracted who are attractive to me. I've never dated a conventionally handsome man.)
- Anti-social/Can't dance and won't even try/lack of people skills
- They love the music of Celine Dion (unless, I suppose, it's the only music they like)

And I'm in between single/looking and single/loving it.

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Oh, and honesty. Honesty and communication are huge with me. I've had friends who would simply stop speaking to someone who they're angry about, withoutany communication about why they're angry or anything, and it drives me bonkers.

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Oh definitely, very important! But you know, those tend to be more qualities that you discover after the initial attraction. I always forget to include something in a poll that i later regret lol

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Many of the things on that list aren't necessarily desirable but not all that important. Fashion sense is one of them in general. If someone has kids, i could live with it but not if they had obnoxious kids lol Financial stability would be good but i'm currently involved with someone who's unemployed but actively looking. I figure if at least one of us is financially stable, that's the important thing. Financially reckless is far more of a put off and i should probably have put that instead.

I've never dated a conventionally handsome man.)
That's why i worded it the way i did, rather than "physically (un)attractive" in the two questions because it's so subjective, isn't it? My guy has a shaved head which i don't mind but which would put others right off. He also has a goatee which i love but not everyone does. He also has killer dimples and big blue eyes that seem to melt everyone ;)

The Anti-social thing, that was in there because it is a throwback to my ex husband. no social skills at all and wouldn't even try to get on the dance floor. I don't care if you aren't a good dancer, at least try.

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Well, I don't consider inability/unwillingness to dance anti-social. Those are two very different things. I don't usually dance, even when I'm in a place that has dancing, because I don't enjoy it most of the time, and why should I do something I don't enjoy if I'm out trying to have a good time? Whereas being anti-social would be staying in when invited to go out, or being rude constantly, or something. The two aren't at all the same thing, which is why I included in my "not a turn-off". Dancing isn't a social skill.

And kids? Total turn-off for me. I just don't like kids, I don't plan to ever have any of my own, I don't particularly like being around other people's for very long, and...well, I just don't like them very much. So I don't think I would ever date someone with kids.

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Ah but does your partner like to dance? Not dancing isn't anti-social, no. That was in there because that was a trigger issue with my ex husband. He was anti social, rude, and if he didn't want to dance, ok, but he would then get stroppy if i went along and danced with other people anyway.

Stepkids is also something that can work out well but spectacularly disastrous if it doesn't from things i've seen other people go through.

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I don't have a partner, so it's not an issue. And it's one thing to not like to do something and another thing to be grumpy about your partner doing something you dislike doing. I understand that it was a trigger for you and your ex, but it didn't make any sense to me in the context and therefore I read that particular option as something very different from what you meant.

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It's all interpretive isn't it? Things are bound to have different meanings for different people. It's so interesting to see how it means one thing to me and something else for someone else. I've certainly taken alternate meanings from stuff because of my own experiences :))

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"He also has killer dimples and big blue eyes that seem to melt everyone ;)"

That's because I am ZORG from the planet KRAPTON. ;)

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And see, i find Kraptots very sexy ;)

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Are you sure you don't mean crackpots?

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*koff*

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bopeepsheep.livejournal.com

How I met my husband - online, at work, on a blind date. :) (We met on Usenet in 1996; I started working for his employer in 2000, which has an intranet too; we then had a blind date IRL in 2001, egged on by fellow usenetters. 360 days later we were married.)

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Cool LOL Met my fella in a Coronation Street Chat room through a mutual friend :) Met my ex husband in school through a mutual friend.

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chrispina.livejournal.com

i say we met through friends, but those were irc friends. they invited him to a party so i technically met him in person before i met him online, but we got to know each other online.

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If you hang out with irc friends face to face, then they aren't really "online friends" anymore, they're "real life" friends and you use irc to keep in touch :) It always makes me laugh, saying "real life" friends when you really are friends, full stop, you just may not have met in person.

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chrispina.livejournal.com

yeah... i don't really make the distinction between online and real life because i know most of the people that i talk to online in real life... even lj people. i have 100 or so lj friends and i've met maybe 70 of them. i wanted to make sure i was answering the question that you were asking, so i clarified.

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:) no problem, i totally agree, was just adding my pov.

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k425.livejournal.com

I look for humour, interests in common, interests not in common but which we can discuss and share (or not share) without argument). Relatively level intellect helps, too, but I think that comes out in the humour and discussing interests.

I actually met my husband on-line, then met him IRL, we liked each other and got together for a drink at lunchtimes now and again and then we had a mad passionate affair and now I think we're living happily ever after.

You may now puke...

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Yes, you want to have common interests and also some differences as well. It does help to have common views (or at least not diametrically opposed views) on things like politics and religion though as they can be contentious issues. My bloke and i are quite compatible, similar views on important things, similar background too. Similar interests and our differences only make things more interesting.

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kauket.livejournal.com

turn offs...
I'd cheat and say nothing in common also means doesn's share my political and social beliefs (to an extent - some stuff is ok, but where it's something fundamental, like racism or homophobia, big nono)

Other - wants to have kids. I don't want em. I don't think it would be fair to get in a serious relationship with someone who did, as one of us would have to compromise or it would end.

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Absolutely with you on the kids thing. The desire to have or not have kids can break up a couple. I've seen it happen.

Another issue that can be a problem is neat/tidy/clean vs. messy/slob. Any extreme on either end does not go well with someone in the middle to extreme end of the other. Really.

As i mentioned above, it's probably a good idea to have political, social and religious (or non-) views that are at least in the same general ballpark.

Faults or habits are another issue. You can overlook some faults/habits that are mildly annoying or just not that important, some you might think are cute to start with and then later they really, really get on your nerves. Some are deal breakers. I mean things like leaving the toilet seat up or the top off the toothpaste tube or leaving dirty towels or socks on the floor. That sort of personal-habit type of thing.

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"I mean things like leaving the toilet seat up or the top off the toothpaste tube or leaving dirty towels or socks on the floor."

Aaagh, you'd better not do stuff like that. ;)

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I never leave the seat up!

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I meant the toothpaste part lol.

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I always put the top on. Do you mangle the tube or squeeze it properly ;)

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First I remove the top, then I squeeze the bottom, working my way slowly up. And I do the same thing with toothpaste. ;)

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LOL that's ok then. I do it that way too :)

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And also with the toothpaste. ;)

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sheepthief.livejournal.com

I feel distinctly average at the moment.

I'm not sure that I look for anything in particular in a partner. They've all been different (well, other than they've all been female). Hmmm. Actually, most have been very well educated, and most have been foreign. So I guess I look for opposites.

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Well,,, i don't necessarily agree that you have to be different than the average guy but there will be something that makes you different to the person you get together with. There's going to be something that sparks, be it your smile, your sense of humour, your political opinions...whatever :)

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tea-cantata.livejournal.com

Hey! There was no option for living grumpily ever after :-)

Somehow I tolerate my beloved's refusal to dance, because he lets me dance with other people. I do wish he'd have another try though as I can't think of anything nicer than dancing except singing, good food, and... yeah.

As for other nonsense... Apparently "nattietype" is very easy to spot, though I don't think it's as consistent as my friends would believe.

Oh, and I met the beloved at a newsgroup meet... If I only want to give people the short version I tell them I was visiting some mutual friends (which is also true).

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The jar is cracked and the lid is warped? lol i dunno. I figured the regretful tattoos would take care of regretful relationships :))

"nattietype"?

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tea-cantata.livejournal.com

Oh, it's not a regretful relationship at all! We're grumpily in love :-)

"nattietype" apparently equals: not awfully tall, darkish of hair, lightish of eye (or greenish or odd-ish), paleish of skin, scrawny of build (most of the time), geeky as all hell, grumpy, pedantic, frightfully intelligent, largeish of nose, and tending towards at least low-grade depression.

Apparently. :) I seem to know/be friends with/occasionally madly crush on WAY too many boys like that. Including my Deeply Annoying Husband :-)

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