Feb. 15th, 2006

tvordlj: (Celtic Cross)
Getting used to life after a loss has it's oddness. There are times when I'm sad, times when little or big things seem to be a trigger and i'm in bits. Then i think, well it's only been x days or weeks after all. Of *course* it's going to be pretty raw just yet. In fact, it just occurred to me that it's four weeks today even though it's not Feb. 18 yet which is the one-month date. So then i get surprised that it's *only* been four weeks. Sometimes it feels like it's been much longer. I'm surprised it's only been such a short time yet i'm thinking how fast time goes by and it's a month now, next thing , i'll realize it's been 6 months. I had something hit me a couple of weekends ago that really made me feel like i had been kicked in the gut with it all and i guess that was the point where it really sunk in, the big Reality Check. Before that, i think i was on autopilot. Now i'm not. We're all in the same boat. Doing ok most of the time, putting on a front some of the time and getting on the best we can. Routines change because they have to or because it makes it easier to deal with things. We don't *not* remember, we don't want to forget and many of the memories are comforting, but sometimes it's easier to change things so the memories don't overwhelm us. Because it's only been 4 weeks, but it's been 4 weeks already! Yet it feels longer. The logical side of my brain insists that time is stupid.

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